The color of the rain
by GracefullyFallingDown
Summary: 100 ways no one will admit they felt.
1. Chapter 1

1.

Pain

She secretly dies even though they both know that everyone can see through it. She acts like she moved on even though they both know that she is grasping at straws. She tells him what he's not even though they both know he is.

He looks, and she shakes her head because he won't, even though they both know that they can't be. He turns away, acts like it's her when they both know it's neither. He hates himself for it even though they both know that they could never be that happy anyway.

And everyone around them lives in their content fairy tale that the enemy is attacking from the outside.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

Fear

She wakes up to his note full of despair and desperation and she wonders how she didn't know he would leave. She wonders how she didn't see through his brave façade of give himself (and her, she knows) a tiny taste of what he (they) want. She wonders how she thought he would be there in the morning to be the first thing she would see.

She wonders what people would think if they knew what they had done. She wonders what would happen if she followed him. She wonders why he had to go, but she secretly knows that.

And for one short second, she knows he won't come back.

But she knows she has to keep wondering, or else she will break.


	3. Chapter 3

3.

Honor

She watches from the top of the hill as the city burns, and momentarily wishes that she was there with them, dying for real instead of being slowly tortured to death by her brother.

At least that would be honorable.

She looks at his guilty eyes and knows he is thinking the same thing.

But they aren't allowed to think that way, so they pretend that they are trying to save people as they run to the city instead of trying to kill selves. 


	4. Chapter 4

4.

Happiness

She watches the small boy in the oversized glasses read a book backwards as he sits on the chair, gangly limbs sprawled in all directions, unaware that she is even there.

He laughs an marks his page, then gets up and leaves the room empty, but at the same time full.

She wishes that she could light a lonely room with a simple laugh like Max can.

She just wishes she could laugh.

But instead she sits here in the library, tucking herself away in the folds of the room as she hides from reality and the one thing that can make her laugh.

Her brother.

Her god damned brother.


	5. Chapter 5

6.

Bitterness

He walks through the city, looking at all the people that are so happy and so allowed to be in love, and he wishes he could take it all away from them so that they would know what he is feeling because he is just that selfish. He sees a quick kiss in a back alley and hurried words of goodbye, and wishes he were only breaking parents rules.

Hell, he wishes he even had parents that would set down rules to be broken.

But he just keeps walking, walking through the city, and wishing he could take everything away.


	6. Chapter 6

6.

Hate

She looks at Isabelle flirting with Simon, and she wishes she could be as free with her affections. She looks at the way Magnus stares at Alec, and wishes that she liked girls. At least she didn't have a sister. (That she knew of, anyway.)

She catches the possessiveness Robert has for Mayrse, and thinks that a brother could never posses you like that. She even sees the longing in Miah's dark eyes, and wishes that she could just at him like that, just for a moment.

But she can't , so she hates everyone a little bit because they can.


	7. Chapter 7

8./PP

Wanting

/PP

She doesn't want to be sitting on his bed right now. She wants to be with Simon, happy and in love./PP

Unfortunately, that's impossible for her, because no matter how much she wants something, she can never give herself it./PP

And there is a difference between 'wants' and 'needs'. /PP

Simon and Jace. Wants and needs./PP

So she stays on his bed and wishes she could make herself a different person who likes dark haired boys and not light haired angels.


	8. Chapter 8

**Peace**

The sword stabs violently, a bursting flare of white light and agony, and he swears he can feel his skin burning and sizzling around the edges as his father withdraws the blade and Jace falls to his knees.

He sees her face for a moment before his vision tinges with red, his eyes drift shut and he is encompassed in a pulsing black peacefulness that surrounds his mind like a soft velvet blanket made of some obscenely scorching piece of the night sky. It burns him, but he is at rest now. He is finished now.

His peace is split by her silent screams.


	9. Chapter 9

**Vulnerable**

The greenhouse was muggy warm as he sat on the floor after she had gone to her room. However, he wrapped his arms around himself. He had to hold himself together, you know. His heart felt like shards of glass trying to cut their way out of his chest. Who would has thought the sweet little redhead would be the one breaking hearts? But after the way she had looked at him as he said all those things, maybe she hadn't meant to.

Still. That didn't change anything.

He hadn't meant to be born as Valentines son, but that didn't make it better.

He tighted his arms and waited for the night to end.


End file.
